Final Fear.

The timing of this assignment was very bizarre for me. When we first got the assignment, I had just learned that my grandfather has stage 4 lung cancer, and so basically was running out of time. The news hit rather hard, and started making me wonder about how quickly life can just fly by. Then, at the doctors office they thought I may have some sort of cancer, and so I had to go and see a specialist for it (The reason I wasn't able to make it to class last week). Thankfully it was all good news, but it was still a crazy time.
So, because of all this, my mind started working in a mysterious way. Instead of being scared of dying or whatever else, I was more intimidated by the fact that if I were to die, I would leave without ever feeling a real sense of accomplishment for anything, and that was scary as hell. In class, I was worried about getting up in front of everybody, because I was anticipating most people not necessarily understanding or caring about my one real "fear," as opposed to talking about scary spiders or what have you. Then, in class on the first day, we started talking about depression and suicide and what have you, and I felt like if I said anything then it wouldn't really apply, because my fear was the opposite of theirs. Everybody was afraid of life, where as I am terrified of dying before I feel content with myself.
I am graduating soon, and so am supposed to find a job and figure out what I'm doing with the rest of my life. But now, instead of just trying to find a job that makes me money, I have realized that I need to be doing something that is going to push me to be better, and to feel accomplished. Otherwise, I will never ever be happy with my life, and life is too short to waste being unhappy.
So, to sum up, my biggest fear is dying without feeling like I have accomplished anything great. Hopefully someday soon I can figure out what it is that I need to pursue to find that feeling, but until then, I will always have that thought in the back of my mind that if I go today, I will have wasted all of my time. I want that thought to go away.

Fear

For this assignment, I am not exactly sure how my classmates will react. I have not prepared anything except for to talk about fear. I wasn't exactly sure how to create a way to express it, so I thought I would talk about it instead. Hopefully my classmates will understand it, but I expect most will think it is either silly or do not get it.

Bliss

A lot of the time, I do not put all of my creativity into something because I just want to get it done. I was this way especially when I was younger, just trying to get by without having to put full effort into anything. However, the past few years I have been working a lot harder at trying to find my full potential. I actually am in the process right now of recording, mixing and producing an EP of my own songs for my Capstone. We finished recording the guitars not too long ago, and I must say that already the songs are sounding absolutely wonderful. I know now that when it is all complete I am going to be thrilled with it, and at this moment am extremely happy and proud of the results that I have so far. A few more weeks and I will have a six song album completely under my belt! How exciting.

55 alive!

As a five year old, I decided to put a bobby pin in my nose and pretend like it was a bull ring, so that I could run around and charge without consequence. When I was twenty, I thought the coolest thing I could do was actually to pierce my nose, and so I did. For about four months I had a real ring in my nose, just after I had taken out the ring that I had in my lip for over six months. As a 55 year old, I would like to think that I have gotten over all of the silly games with my face, and have started worrying more about real life situations and stuff that will actually affect me and my family. At this point in my life, maybe I will have grandchildren, and so will be able to take the bobby pin bull ring idea and play it with them. That would be pretty humorous to me. To be able to take something that I thought of now as an assignment idea, and use it with grandchildren as a way of cheaply entertaining them. Hopefully though, they will not move forward with that idea when they are older and start piercing their face! But if they do, good for them. Who am I to say no? BUT, I have no idea what I would really do with anything when I am 55. I'd like to hope for the basics, and just see me alive in thirty-three years. After that I guess I can decide what I would like to do with my bobby pin.
Until then...

5 again!

When I was five, I used to do a lot of stupid things. For instance, my favorite thing in the world was to eat Smarties, but first I would put them up my nose and see if I could blow them out. For this assignment, I decided to do something similar to that, and use a bobby pin as a bull ring. With imagination running wild, instead of a bobby pin you can almost view it as me being a bull. I know, pretty childish, right?

i can't see clearly now

For this assignment, I decided that I would use one of our songs that I edited this week to post. This past week I edited a rap that a buddy of mine and I have been working on, and we got all of our rapping and chorus tracks done earlier in the week. Another friend of ours sent us a beat, and I mixed and edited the whole thing. Even though mixing and editing requires using your eyes, listening to music does not. My favorite thing to do is close my eyes and let music take me over. So, for my assignment, here is a link to our new rap song, KC and Me.

PhC and Baby J

surprise!

For my surprise, I decided to color a picture using colored pencils, and wanted to color another picture on top of it with glow in the dark colored pencils. Unfortunately, I searched forever and could not find glow in the dark colored pencils, so I had to settle with glow in the dark markers on colored pencils. The picture is like a mosaic, with different words being found in it, and also a heart in the center. When the lights go out and the picture glows, the word Love lights up at the top, and the heart is illuminated, except for the word Mutiny written through the center of it. 

I was able to attach a photo of the original, non-glowing picture, but since it has to be completely dark to see the glow, the photo of the second picture was unable to be taken. You can see "Love" at the top, with "Life" and "Death" written down each side. On the bottom there is the word "Hate" written sideways. A cross is found on the lefthand side, with flames on the bottom in random colors, as well as a shark devouring a sailboat in the upper-middle. 

I had no idea how bad I was at coloring until I started attempting to color this picture.